The Life of a Teacher: As Told By The Real Housewives

2 min


Based on the amount of drama, exasperated facial expressions, and wine consumed on a weekly basis, teachers should definitely have their own show on Bravo. Here is the life of a teacher, as told by the Real Housewives.

1. When little Johnny tries to explain why he (once again) does not have his homework…

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Listen, kid…I ain’t stupid. I know your printer didn’t just magically combust last night and I know you don’t have any animals at home, so I DEFINITELY don’t believe your dog mysteriously ate your homework. Save us both the hassle and just say you don’t have what you are supposed to have. It will prevent me from internally rolling my eyes at your creative sob story.

2. When you have yet another staff meeting that could have been a freaking email…

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I know you think I’m listening to you, but I’m really just making a mental list of things I could be doing in my classroom.  My to-do list is a mile long. This meeting about irrelevant student data is just eating into the time I could spend emailing parents, doing lesson plans, and inputting assignments. Please release me back to the sweet confines of my classroom.

3. When an assembly, a fire drill, a random observation, and a student meltdown of catastrophic proportions happen all on the same day…

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COULD ANYTHING ELSE GO WRONG TODAY? Some days, the universe conspires against us teachers to truly test our patience in this field.

4. When that entire rowdy class is on a field trip…

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Some days, the big man upstairs helps us out and gives us small victories that carry us throughout our days. We truly appreciate any and all bones that are graciously thrown our way.

5. When that one co-worker will not stop talking about her personal life drama…

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WE GET IT, KAREN. YOU ARE GOING THROUGH A TOUGH TIME. I’m just trying to use the copier to make some last minute copies for my next class. I don’t need to be hearing about your awful divorce right now. I need silence between my classes. Please leave me alone!

6. When a kid sneezes into your open mouth while you are in the middle of giving the entire class a set of directions…

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Thank you, non-educators, for reminding me to wash my hands countless times on a daily basis.  However, washing my hands does not prevent snot from being wiped on my shirt. Also, WHY ARE MY PANTS WET?  DO I EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT LIQUID IS???

7. When you have to run errands within a 2-mile radius of your school…

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Let my non-make-uped, yoga pants wearing, sweaty self go grocery shopping in peace. I do not know you in public. You do not know me in public. Don’t even try to make eye contact with me. I just want to buy rolls of toilet paper in peace!

8. When you see your co-teacher having a bad day…

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I GOT YOU, GIRL. Who is the petty troll who made you feel like this today? I will make someone hold my hoops so I can properly teach them a lesson. No one messes with my teacher bestie but me!

9. When you hear your name being called 5,000 times in a day…

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What could you possibly want that needs my attention RIGHT. THIS. MOMENT.  Is my classroom on fire? Did you projectile vomit? Did Zac Efron just walk in my room? If the answer is no, stop harassing me. We don’t work on your schedule, dear student. Take a number and I will be with you shortly.

10. When you get home at the end of a long day of teaching…

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Thank goodness for wine, trashy TV, and sweets because us educators need to find some way to decompress at the end of our chaotic days. We give so much of ourselves to our students on a daily basis. We keep our sanity with life’s smallest pleasures. And a glass of wine. And by glass, I mean a bottle.

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mscourterrest

Senior Member

Abigail Courter is a fifth year music teacher at a K-8 private school in California.  She has taught general music, band, music technology, and performing arts.

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