Mom’s Hilarious Video of ‘Simple’ Hybrid School Plan is a Bit Too Close to Real Life!

Satire Video of Simple Hybrid Plan for Schools Is a Bit Too Close to Real Life!

Dena Blizzard of One Funny Mother released a hilarious spoof of a “simple hybrid plan” for returning to school. If you’re a parent or a teacher still trying to figure out what exactly is happening this year, you’ll find it oh, so relatable. And just about anyone who has been following along as schools go back and forth on reopening plans will nod in understanding. Warning: you’ll probably laugh aloud so prepare your students or coworkers. 

Introducing the Dena Blizzard ‘Simple’ Hybrid Plan

The video features Blizzard pretending to be a school administrator speaking to parents. She thanks them for taking “those 72 surveys over the summer” and as a result they were able to offer three options: face-to-face, virtual, and hybrid. However, since the last communication with parents, most of the teachers in the virtual group have moved on to “less burgeoning and safer” employment, like that of GrubHub, Instacart, and Skydiving instruction. As a result, they threw all the survey data out and came up with a whole new “simple hybrid plan.”

Each student in the simple hybrid plan is assigned either yellow or blue. This way there are two distinct cohorts to easily divide everyone in half for social distancing. However, the cohorts may change with season and weather, so yellow and blue may switch to pumpkin spice latte and salted caramel. Obviously.

One cohort attends school Mondays, Wednesdays, and alternating Fridays. The other cohort attends school on Tuesdays and alternate Thursdays on months ending in “r.” The outside temperature also plays a big roll in the schedule. If it’s raining and over 80 degrees, school is delayed an hour. In the event of snow, teachers are required to sing their lessons 1940s Broadway-style. 

‘Simple’ Hybrid Plan: Remote Learning (According to Dena Blizzard)

Students who are home will follow along in their pajamas on Zoom or Google. Alternatively, they can make TikTok videos instead of watching instruction. Each class will be 28 minutes long unless Zoom doesn’t work, in which case the class will be canceled. When Zoom doesn’t work students are expected to either teach themselves pig Latin or how to catch flys with chopsticks like in Karate Kid. No worries, though – the school will provide chopsticks and a Netflix gift card for watching the original film (not the remake).

The in-person cohort goes home for lunch and then all classes after lunch are done remotely. This afternoon cohort color is “poop brown.” Afternoon classes will be 23 minutes long with an intermission during sixth period for everyone to go outside and scream their heads off. Students have odd number periods on Mondays and Thursdays, even numbered periods on Tuesdays and Fridays, and Wednesdays will be for students who need extra help. Wednesdays are also reserved for teachers to go home early, drink themselves to sleep, and question their life choices. 

‘Simple’ Hybrid Plan: Enrichment According to Dena Blizzard

Art and music will be taught on days divisible by three. The school is dedicated to the continuation of sports. Sports will be done from the student’s living room, with their own equipment, and not on Zoom. The school is so glad to continue these programs and return to school as a community to give kids a sense of normalcy. Rectal temperature checks will be done anytime someone sneezes for safety.

Materials will need to be picked up at school for the days students are learning from home. Each family’s car must be in theme, such as Pixar or 1980’s Brat Pack movies. A map of the racecourse for material pick up will be provided. Parents must drive no less than 35 miles per hour and teachers will throw the books into the car as they drive by. 

The video ends with Blizzard thanking teachers and parents, telling them to look for an additional survey on previous surveys because “we know you have so much time on your hands.” She reiterates they are confident in the success of the simple hybrid plan and can’t wait to have kids back in school soon.

Makes perfect sense, right? Sometimes satire hits a little too close to home! One Funny Mother has a history of supporting teachers – even selling a t-shirt that says, “Support teachers or I’ll steal your trash cans.”


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Mom's Parody of Simple Hybrid Plan for Schools Is a Bit Too Close to Real Life!

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Rachael Moshman
Rachael Moshman, M.Ed., an editor at Bored Teachers, is a mom, educator, writer, and advocate for self-confidence. She's been a teacher in classrooms of infants through adult college students. She loves pizza, Netflix and yoga. Connect with her at rachael.m@boredteachers.com
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