Teachers of today have to put up with some ridiculous expectations and demands from anyone and everyone who has an interest in children. Are there bad teachers out there? Yes. But there are many bad reasons for accusing teachers of being bad at their jobs. Here are a few of those reasons, written sarcastically to show how ridiculous they really are.

1. Working contracted hours

Teachers that try to sneak out at the same time as the students at the end of the day will not be tolerated or respected. They should continue to work way into the evening and miss their own child’s soccer games.

2. Giving students a “D” or an “F”

Under no circumstance will students be allowed to fail. Teachers will be held completely responsible for the bad behavior of the students as well as when they do not complete homework or study for tests. This is on you, teachers.

3. Replying slowly to parent demands

At no time should teachers leave parents without a response to their outrageous and unnecessary texts for more than 240 seconds. This is time the parents could have spent talking to their children instead of staring at their phones and waiting for teachers to respond. Completely unacceptable!

4. Crying during the day

I am very sorry, but crying only reinforces the fact that teachers care way too much about their students and have not developed the indifference that is required to have a laser focus on the test scores.

5. Not looking like June or Ward Cleaver

Tattoos, colored hair, and too many piercings will render teachers useless when it comes to instruction. Although this is the 21st century, teachers should dress like they are living in the 50s as this is still considered professional.

6. Being too nice or too mean

For goodness sake, Goldilocks knew what was “just right”; why can’t teachers?

7. Wearing Jeans

This only makes us bad teachers if we do not pay for this special privilege. Many schools use jeans as a fundraiser and charge teachers. If teachers wear jeans and support the school, then we are all good; carry on.

8. Sitting down while teaching

If teachers are not running all over the classroom, like Mick Jagger on stage in his younger days, then they are not reaching all students, every single second of the day. At no time should students be working independently while teachers, just maybe, get one of their millions of papers graded.

9. Sending kids to the office

If a student is throwing a full-blown tantrum in your class, please find ways to control this child. If teachers send students to the office so the rest of the students can, I don’t know, learn, they are obviously ineffective.

10. Having to use the bathroom more than once a day

Part of being a good teacher is training the bladder to use the bathroom at lunchtime. If teachers have to go at other times of the day while they are teaching students, they have failed Bladder 101, and their teaching evaluations will suffer.

11. Using sick days

It’s just not right for teachers to try and get physically and mentally well while their students must suffer through having a few days of a substitute teacher.  

12. Not posting objectives on the board

If the objectives are not posted on the board, how can students just ignore them? Their learning will suffer as they will have no idea what the teacher is trying to teach.

13. Allowing too much recess

Even though students may be better behaved and focused when they get out their energy and socialize with their peers at recess, too many precious minutes are taken away from test preparation and skill development.

14. Complaining about pay

How dare teachers complain about not being able to pay their mortgage when they get summers off? How bold of them!

15. Gossiping

This one actually does make me feel like a bad teacher; but heck, it’s the only thing that gets us through the day at times. Spill the tea for freak’s sake.

Although the tone of this article reeks of sarcasm and satire, it hits home for teachers. The negativity surrounding education is overwhelming. The outrageous amount of unnecessary requirements is taking its toll. Laughing about the absurdity of demands and expectations is healthy, but the narrative must change for teachers to want to stay in the profession.

15 Things That Apparently Make Us Bad Teachers