Toxic relationships and toxic jobs have a lot in common. I’ve been in both, so I speak from first-hand experience. Many people don’t realize staying in a toxic work situation can be just as damaging to your health, happiness, and overall life as being in an unhealthy relationship. Unfortunately, many teachers have toxic jobs and don’t realize that’s the cause for the exhaustion, anxiety, and unhappiness they can’t shake. 

Others know their job is to blame, but don’t know what to do about it. They feel trapped. Teachers are told to hang in there and that it will get better. They’re given tips for managing the stress and encouraged to look for the silver linings. They deal with gaslighting, toxic positivity, and are told they “signed up for this.”

But here’s the thing. A toxic work environment is a type of toxic relationship. We don’t encourage our friends to overlook toxic relationship traits. So why are we pushing teachers to stay in toxic work situations?

Toxic jobs are as unhealthy as toxic relationships.

And you deserve better. 

Here are some signs of toxic relationships. If it also applies to your job, it might be time to consider moving on. 

1. You don’t trust them or feel secure around them.

You’re never sure they’re telling the whole truth. You aren’t certain they’d have your back when you really needed it. There’s just something about them that doesn’t quite feel safe, even if you can’t put your finger on it. 

2. There’s a clear imbalance of power.

They’re in charge. All the time. And they never let you forget it. 

3. They don’t bring out the best in you.

Maybe you snap at your loved ones or doubt your own abilities after spending time in their presence (or environment). Good relationships (and jobs) should bring out the best in you and enhance your life. Toxic jobs and unhealthy relationships drain you of the energy needed to be the best version of yourself. 

4. You can’t imagine a happy future together.

Is this relationship (or job) the one you want for the rest of your life? If that possibility sends you into an anxiety attack or makes you feel hopeless, listen to your gut. 

5. They always find something wrong with you.

Nothing you do is ever good enough. They pick apart everything you do and find fault. Then they focus on what they think you did wrong instead of everything you did right.

6. They ignore your concerns.

So you get brave and try to talk to your partner (or administrator). Instead of listening, they belittle you, turn it around on you, or ignore you. They may even punish you with public humiliation, taking something away from you, or giving you the silent treatment.

7. You don’t feel like yourself around them.

You’re quieter and afraid to speak your mind when you’re with this person (or in this environment). You lose your confidence and forget how to be the vibrant, confident, smart, talented, amazing individual you know is still in there somewhere. 

8. They’re always offering “constructive feedback.”

And it rarely actually feels constructive. From your job performance to your life choices to your outfit to how you interact with others, they always have something to say. And then they act like the victim if you’re offended because they were “only trying to help you.”

9. Your family and friends are concerned.

The people who know you best are worried. They keep asking if you’re okay. Maybe they mention you seem sad, tired, or overwhelmed. They make it known they don’t like this situation for you.

10. They don’t care about what matters to you.

Your time, priorities, or interests don’t matter to toxic partners (or employers). Everything is always about what they want and on their timeline.

11. You feel like you’re doing all the work in the relationship.

Your partner (or employer) has no problem dictating exactly what they expect you to do and when. They likely even micromanage and critique every step of the process. However, they don’t do much to help you accomplish the work. They also don’t offer much in the way of genuine appreciation for all that you do. 

12. You aren’t taking care of your own needs.

Your partner (or job) is extremely demanding and expects you to always put them first. As a result, you aren’t getting enough rest and relaxation. Your own basic needs like eating healthy meals and peeing when you need to may even be put on the backburner. 

13. You’re always making excuses for them.

Your partner (or employer) frequently exhibits bad behavior, but rarely takes responsibility for it. You find yourself making excuses that they’re “under a lot of stress” or have been “very tired lately.” They may even blame you for their mistakes or bad behavior.

14. Being around them drains you. Listen to your body.

If your relationship or job leaves you exhausted day after day, that’s not a sign of a healthy situation. 

15. You keep waiting and hoping for change.

You can’t change a toxic partner. And you can’t change a toxic work environment. You can practice self-care, go to therapy, and even take antidepressants. Those things can certainly help you deal with the toxicity better, but it doesn’t change the situation. 

Teachers, do these toxic traits sound familiar? This doesn’t have to be your life. Moving on is hard – from both toxic jobs and relationships. And it often takes time. You have to be ready emotionally, mentally, logistically, and financially. However, it’s so worth it. You deserve to feel safe, respected and valued in all of your relationships – including your job.