LAUGH
Teaching is never boring. Whether it’s in-person or virtual, teachers say some things that would never be said in any other workplace. We asked the BT community on Facebook to share some of the weirdest things they’ve ever had to say out loud and the responses were quite entertaining, to say the least. Here are some of our favorites.
1. Please don’t lick your desk.
2. No, there’s no conspiracy that the teachers get better toilet paper than you.
3. Who owns this body? … So, who is in charge of this body?
4. We don’t lick the windows.
5. No, asking you not to speak like Kermit the frog in my class does not mean I’m “frog-ist”
6. Jill lost her eye, everyone check the floor!
– A googly eye for a craft
7. There are no parties in the potty.
8. Get out of your bed and put on a shirt before you come to class online.
9. Did you know that there are rings around Uranus?
10. Whose tooth is this?
11. No you didn’t “accidentally” write f— you -insert other student name— while randomly making shapes with your eraser on the top of your desk.
12. Please don’t climb on the table.
13. That’s a question for your mom.
14. Stop licking your shoe!
15. You are not a mountain goat, please stop head butting the chairs..
16. I am not a Kleenex.
17. No, I do not have a charger for your ankle bracelet.
18. If you put that rock in your ear, I won’t be able to get it out for you.
19. Keep your hands to yourself!!!
20. Why are you naked?
21. This is the best corner for worms.
22. Take the tampon out of your nose.
23. What do you mean the urinal is honking at you?
24. I think you meant to tell me your dad bought a condominium, not a condom, right?
25. No, you can’t fit in that locker. Yes, I’m sure.
26. Don’t swim on the table.
27. Of course you’re on your phone. Why else would you be staring at your crotch?
28. We don’t pour milk in our ears.
29. If you pop the bag you choose to lose the chips.
30. It’s not safe to eat pencils.
31. Stop playing with your balls when I am giving instructions (bball lesson)
32. Don’t you threaten to fart on me young man !
33. Should we eat the cubes?
34. Get your shoelaces out of your mouth!
35. Why is this wet?
36. Please don’t chew her hair.
37. My favourite dinosaur is a pterodactyl.
38. I don’t think the cafeteria has a conspiracy to give the students the bad chicken nuggets and the teachers the good ones. I think they just give them out.
39. Why do I hear voices?
40. Did you know a T-Rex poop was 1 meter long? Here is a ruler that is 1 meter long. Can you find anything else in this classroom that is as long as a T-Rex poop?
41. No, it’s not illegal to eat 40 donuts before class starts, but it’s also not recommended.
42. Drum sticks do not go in your nose.
43. Are you eating backpack chicken again? (Chicken nuggets saved from lunch for dismissal.)
44. I’m sorry your dad put a beer in your lunch. I’m sure it was an accident.
45. Keep your A hole covered! (While teaching a recorder lesson)
46. We don’t eat fruit snacks off the floor. We don’t roll our banana on the floor either.
47. We don’t make out in the middle of a lesson!! I’m calling parents! That’s just gross!!! Separate!!!! MY EYES!!!!
48. Is that poop or chocolate?
49. Please keep your pants on in my classroom.
50. We walk with a purpose, our purpose is to get to the next class on time.
51. Share your thoughts and ideas, not your germs.
52. No, you may not bite him back.
53. Leaving the room to fart is fine and we all appreciate it but you need to do more than stick your rear in that hall.
54. Please don’t lick other people’s work on the bulletin board
55. You think you lost your underwear?
56. You really need to stop turning your eyelids inside out.
57. If you’re going to make bathroom noises, please go to the actual bathroom.
58. So you thought you wouldn’t get stuck in the book shelve?
59. It is NEVER okay to pee on our friends.
60. Did you just bite your chromebook?
61. Do you really think it was appropriate to karate chop the caution tape down?
62. Why is my table wet?
63. No, you may NOT bring your pet snake into class as an emotional support animal. That takes special permission that I cannot grant.
64. We did not dress like that in the 80s but good try!
65. Who taped the jalapeño to the bottom of this desk?
66. We dont lick walls!
67. Please scoot back and stop licking my leg. I need personal space.
68. Okay end of class. You don’t have to go home, but you gotta get the heck out of here.
69. You lost ANOTHER glue cap?
70. Please stop kissing your computer screen.
71. No…We do not pick our friends’ scabs.
72. Let’s put our pants back on before you ask your cousin to marry you.
73. Nobody stares at their lap that long, put away your phone.
74. Please no twerking in the library.
75. Stop using hair as dental floss.
76. We don’t share boogers with our friends.
77. No I don’t have chicken pox. That is my pregnancy glow. And don’t make me give you the stink eye.
78. I wasn’t on any side in the civil war because it was over 100 years before I was born.
79. How did you accidentally lick the carpet?
80. How long have you had that penny up your nose?
81. I’m your teacher so I can’t be your girlfriend.
82. Who lost their underwear?
83. No, I’m not your mother. Be very thankful for that.
84. The custodians are not your personal maids. Pick up your trash!
85. No, I haven’t flushed a chainsaw down a toilet, so I’m not sure what sound it would make.
86. Can everyone please stop barking?
87. Class, remember that you can’t use the electric pencil sharpener because there is a baby carrot stuck in it.
88. Did you just cut your own hair?
89. You can wipe your own bum.
90. Did you really just eat Hawaii?
91. I want you all to walk down this hall with bubbles and marshmallow feet
92. We do not lick our armpits.
93. We don’t go poop in the urinal.
94. Please leave your trumpet here while you go to the washroom.
95. No, humans don’t hatch from eggs.
96. Don’t put it in your mouth if you don’t know what it is!
97. I’m going to need to take the baby bunny out of your backpack!
98. Other people are coming to visit our classroom can you PLEASE not act like you did last time we had visitors.
99. No, I do not want to follow you on Tik Tok.
100. Well happy birthday to your dead cat…
