Parents, no one knows your children better than you. You have cared for them, nurtured them and seen them at their very best and very worst. Not only that, you love them beyond measure and only want what is best for them. They are your number one priority, your very heart and soul.

So, who am I, who is any teacher, to be giving you advice about the people you love most in the world? That’s a fair question, and while it’s reasonable to say that their teachers don’t love your children like you do, we do care about your kids–a lot. In fact, our life’s work is caring about other people’s kids. Teachers have taught, nurtured and cared for all kinds of children–shy, rowdy, serious, silly, well-behaved, and challenging. Some of us have done it for generations. So, please know that this—this advice, these hard truths, come from a place of caring and experience from people who only want what is best for all children.

1. How you allow your child to respond to you is how they will respond to me or to other adults in their life. 

Teachers can always tell a child who is allowed to argue with mom and dad till he gets his way. How do we know? Because conversations in the classroom go something like this.

You should give us extra time on our assignment.

Sorry. It’s due today.

Please. C’mon.

Nope. Sorry.

Ugh! Please! Seriously, one more day. Please. Please. Please.

The teacher usually has to get tough (over something that shouldn’t even be an issue) to stop this type of begging and pleading. Kids who are allowed to argue at home feel comfortable constantly hounding their teachers This is also true for things like eye rolling, using a disrespectful tone of voice, and simply ignoring what the teacher says. Are there exceptions? Kids who are angels at home and terrors at school or vice versa. Sure. But these are rare. Even if he is well-behaved in class, a child who is allowed to be argumentative and disrespectful at home will be that way with some of the adults in their life. It’s up to parents to teach and enforce respectful behavior.

2. No, your child doesn’t always have the right to express herself. Not every situation is a matter of opinion or up for debate.

Often when a parent is told that their child is argumentative, their response is that they are “raising her to speak her mind.” Unfortunately, too often the child isn’t getting the message that not every situation is a matter of opinion or up for debate. Children should absolutely be taught to advocate for themselves if they feel truly uncomfortable in a situation or when they see or experience real injustice But a lot of kids have somehow gotten the message that any time they personally disagree with an adult or feel displeased with a situation, they have the right to voice their disapproval. That’s not only self-centered and disrespectful, but in a room full of 25 kids, it’s utter chaos. Listen, we aren’t secretly trying to create a league of mindless robots. Teachers want kids to think and reason and excel in the art of self-expression. And to help them with that, we need a classroom of order and respect with opportunities for healthy and appropriate debate–not everyone “speaking their mind” about everything.

3. Overuse of devices is keeping kids from reaching their full potential.

Honestly, this cannot be overstated. The American Academy of Pediatrics  (AAP) discourages screen time for children younger than two and recommends limiting older kids’ screen time to no more than one or two hours a day. Too much screen time is linked to issues like obesity, behavioral problems, violence, impaired sleep, and lower academic success.  Since the widespread use of cell phones began in 2007, ER visits for self-harm (things like cutting) have tripled among girls ages 10-14. And kids who have unrestricted access to screens are more likely to be exposed to pornography, cyberbullying, and videos and games that are not age-appropriate. 

While, it seems clear that “screen time” in these instances refers to things like social media and video games and not things like working in Google classroom or accessing educational information online, if parents have concerns about the amount of screen time their children are getting at school, they should absolutely address this. And when it comes to limiting screen time at home and on-the-go, every parent (including teachers) knows how hard that is. Fortunately, as more and more information becomes available about the toll devices are taking on our kids, organizations like Screen Strong are forming to offer resources, support, and encouragement.

4. You’ve got to get your kids to bed.

A recent study by the AAP finds that almost half of American children are not getting enough sleep. Like an overexposure to screens, a lack of sleep can have a serious effect on a child’s or teen’s brain.

  • Kids who get enough sleep have 44 percent higher likelihood of demonstrating curiosity in learning new information and skills.
  • They are also 33% more likely to complete their homework and 28% more likely to care about doing well in school.
  • Kids who don’t get enough sleep are more likely to get sick.
  • Sleep deprivation can impair the frontal lobe–the part of the brain responsible for decision-making.
  • Children who don’t get enough sleep are more likely to experience anxiety and mood-related problems.

5. You are your child’s first and most important teacher.

Classroom teachers love what we do, and we are proud of what we can accomplish in just nine and a half short months in the life of a child. But we also recognize that when it comes to your child becoming the person he or she is meant to be, it is you who will be doing most of the heavy lifting. To that end, please read to your little ones, listen to them and teach them to listen well to others. Teach them manners and morals and how to properly cover a sneeze. Help them see that learning is fun, challenge is a good thing, and failure can be an important step on the road to success. Don’t remember how to do long division or the difference between an adjective and an adverb? Don’t worry. We’ve got you covered. Need some extra help building Jimmy’s self-confidence or improving Sally’s attitude? Let’s work together. But ultimately, how children approach learning and whether or not they are prepared to learn will have more to do with what goes on at home than in the classroom.

Parents, teachers care about your kids. And we know how much you love them. Let’s always work together to ensure them the best possible future.