LAUGH
I think back on my first year of teaching and almost wish I could scrub it from my memory and from the memory of every one of my students.
I started the year off strong by wearing my dress backwards. It wasn’t until halfway through the day one of my colleagues mentioned that she thought the neck seemed a little high in the front and hemline a little short in the back. If anyone knows me, they know this is exactly the way my teaching career would begin. I’ve had a long history of wardrobe malfunctions, so it tracks.
This was also the year I let my students choose their team name. One team named themselves “Netflix and Chill”, to which I responded, “Oh, my husband and I love to Netflix and chill. Excellent name!” When the 8th graders erupted with laughter, I started sweating and knew that I would need to Google that later because apparently we are not all talking about watching shows while rotting on the couch.
I needed Google to be my trusted mentor, my confidante. There were things I was Googling that I could not ask my district assigned mentor. Even though I was Googling alone in my classroom and on my phone before bed, I have a feeling I was not alone in this.
Here are 12 things most teachers Google during their first year of teaching:
1. “At what age do kids stop losing teeth?”
I remember it clearly: an 8th grade kid brought their tooth up to me and expected me to have a little treasure box for it. The best I could do was give him a Kleenex and Google “Should 14-year-olds still be losing teeth?”
2. “Is being a baddie actually good?”
…and any other new lingo they are using. Learn from my Netflix and Chill mistake. Don’t assume it means exactly what it sounds like it means.
3. “Teaching pants that feel like sweats”
I need to look professional but feel like I’m wearing my most comfortable sweatpants.
4. “Is it normal to cry after school?”
And at what point will this stop? I just can’t picture my veteran colleagues shedding a single tear. They seem to have all the answers and unshakable confidence in their career choice. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to make my cry quick enough that the custodian won’t catch me mid-snot run and mascara wipe.
5. “Fun classroom management ideas”
In the optimistic phase of year one, you may find yourself Googling for positive reward systems, sticker charts, and free incentives. You’re just trying to do your job and ensure your students don’t hate you.
6. “How much sleep do teachers get?”
Early is just so early.
You are always up before the sun. You also can’t sleep at night because your brain doesn’t shut-off when you ask it to. You’re still thinking about the fact that you stood at the front of the room with your zipper down in front of a room full of 8th graders.
Is every teacher just walking around exhausted for the rest of their life?
7. “What to do if a student hates you”
Their dislike for you is palpable. You’ve tried a daily compliment. You’ve tried acknowledging all of their wins. Your smile says, “Please see that I am a kind and friendly person that really would like to win you over.” They read it as, “I’m a desperate first year teacher that needs your approval.”
Both are true.
8. “How long is too long to keep a full bladder?”
You want to finish all your water in your giant adorable bottle but you discover bladder control is now a job requirement. You learn how to time up your hydration like a professional athlete.
9. “How to decorate a classroom cheaply”
Luckily, teachers are used to being thrifty. We’re kings and queens of the sale rack. We’ll Pinterest the classroom of our dreams and then hunt and gather at thrift stores. We pick up abandoned furniture on the side of the road. Then, we’ll try to recreate the same look on a Dollar Tree budget.
10. “How to stop thinking about school at night”
Those two need their seats moved tomorrow. I need to remember to do that. Let me just grab my phone and create a reminder.
Should I extend the deadline for that assignment?
I should write a Gen-Z version of The Crucible for them to hate and also secretly love.
When is our next staff meeting?
When will box breathing help me? Google says to tense up all my muscles and then release them. Not working, what guided meditation can turn off my brain?
11. “Why do middle schoolers hate feet so much?”
They’ve casted my toes as the main villain in their story and they are getting extremely
uncomfortable with all this attention.
12. “When does teaching get easier?”
Like most first year teachers, I knew year one was going to come with challenges, but it came with so many challenges that I wondered if I was even equipped for this job. Turns out teaching does not get any easier, but you get better. You don’t feel like you’re getting better, but you are, and it is in ways that you didn’t even realize you needed to grow. One day, you’ll be that unbothered veteran teacher that never sweats anything, gets their copies done in advance, and doesn’t cry on their way home.
So thank you, Google, for being the unsung hero of year one. If you’re a new teacher, remember: if you’re Googling, you’re trying, and that counts.
