LAUGH
I’ve been a Bravo girly since 2006, and the cast of every Real Housewives franchise–sharp, chaotic, hilarious, unfiltered–is what keeps me coming back again and again.
As an English teacher with a deep appreciation of well-crafted quips, this show is a goldmine of nuggets that live rent-free in my head. I’d love to share the best lines from the poetic cast of Real Housewives that dance through my mind in those classroom moments that require me to bite my tongue.
As teachers, we may be proudly carrying our TJ Maxx purses while they sling around $20,000 bags, but the Housewives understand everyday drama better than anyone. So here they are: the best lines from our unofficial sages, perfect for teachers who love a good read, a good laugh, and a good clap-back.
1. When you get a parent email asking about a missing assignment from 3 weeks ago at 11:59 p.m. on the night before grades are due.
“Don’t come for me unless I send for you.” – Kenya Moore
2. When your students come together to try and dismantle your self-esteem and cause you to question your career choice.
“People come for me all the time. They just don’t find me.” – Karen Huger
3. When you find the Chromebook keyboard has been flipped again and the other students know exactly who did it but don’t want to snitch.
“Name ‘em. Name ‘em. Name ‘em.” – Sutton Stracke
4. When you work hard and plan a fun review game for your class and someone throws a fit and tries to ruin the fun.
“Just be cool, don’t be all like uncool.” – Countess LuAnn de Lesepps
5. When you throw an epic 1920s Great Gatsby party for your class, complete with appetizers, vibe music, and a dress you searched high and low for and somehow someone complains.
“I cooked all day! I decorated, I made it nice, and I’m ashamed!” – Dorinda Medley
6. When you must stay sane and professional even if you’d like to go full Theresa Giudice and flip a table.
“Thank you, I’m disengaging. I’m not engaging.” – Meredith Marks
7. When a student used Chat GPT for their entire essay and they deny, deny, deny, but then you hit them with this:
“Receipts! Proof! Timelines! Everything!” – Heather Gay
8. When you have that student who never stops talking.
“CLIP! CLIP! CLIP!” – Dorinda Medley
9. When you set a due date but your students are determined to get you to push it back.
“I said what I said and I’m not changin’ on it.” – Nene Leakes
10. When that one class period comes in to wreck your day, challenge you, whine about everything you’ve got planned, swear at you under their breath and you start to doubt yourself, channel the confidence of Shereé Whitfield:
“Who gon’ check me, Boo?” – Shereé Whitfield
11. When your students keep taunting you with any remnants that they’ve found of you online: your address, voting record, old photos of you posted on someone’s public social media page…
“You have got to get a hobby.” – Bethenny Frankel
12. When you get an angry all caps email from a parent accusing you of making a mistake in the online gradebook.
“Make no mistake, I made no mistake.” – Ashley Darby
13. What it sounds like when a student tells you why they weren’t able to complete their assignment.
“Tom’s house was broken into and he confronted the burglar, and then he had to go have eye surgery, and then my son had to go over and help, and then my son, he rolled his car five times on the way home, so yeah, I’m under a lot of stress. “ – Erika Jane
14. A student tells you that drinking a Diet Coke during your 4th period every day is bad for your health, and you remind them it is medically necessary for your mental health. When they challenge you, hit ‘em with the classic:
“THAT’S MY OPINION!” – Tamra Judge
15. When you see a student you used to have years ago whose mission it was to get you to breakdown and quit.
“I’m still here, and I’m still fabulous. Fabulous. Gone with the Wind fabulous.” – Kenya Moore
16. When you’ve got a student in your personal bubble.
“Lisa, if I can smell your breath, you’re too close.” – Dorit Kemsley
17. When you are greeted with a raging parent email about their child’s grade before you’ve had your morning coffee.
“Say it, forget it. Write it, regret it.” – Dorina Medley
18. When admin comes in unannounced to “quietly” observe and gives you some unsolicited advice.
“I love you for coming and I love you for leaving.” – Dorinda Medley
19. When your students keep asking if the test will be easy.
“I’m not a liar. I’m just good at keeping things to myself.” – Gizelle Bryant
20. When you watch a student open the candy that you just gave them and throw their wrapper on the floor.
“You’re not going to disrespect me in my own house.” – Teresa Giudice
