LAUGH
Nothing captures the trials and tribulations of teaching more so than the overdramatic, highly entertaining ABC franchise known as “The Bachelor”. Pop open a bottle of bubbly (the sparkling water, of course) and see how this Monday night show perfectly explains the life of a teacher.
1. When the presenter at the PLC is reading off the PowerPoint slides…
Last time I checked, we were all literate. BIGGEST. TIME. WASTE. EVER.
2. When you have exactly three minutes to eat your lunch before your next class comes in…
Indigestion is basically my middle name. I should be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the fastest meal consumption.
3. When the staff meeting is running long and Karen keeps asking more questions…
That’s enough, Karen! Your question pertains to no other person right now! Save it for some one-on-one after this meeting.
4. When you are in a staff meeting, thinking about what you are going to eat for dinner while trying to pretend you are actually listening…
Nod and smile. Nod and smile.
5. When someone asks me how this semester is going…
I could one hundred percent win Survivor based on what I’ve had to endure thus far.
6. When a parent asks if they can have a word with me during my planning period…
It’s not like I have lesson plans to write, papers to grade, or emails to send. By all means, take up the one block of time where I can finally pee in peace.
7. When you’ve reached the point in the year that your motto becomes “messy hair, don’t care”…
I call this look “no shower chic”. Dry shampoo is my new best friend!
8. When everyone in your class comes down with the flu…
Stay away, you germ monsters! I can’t afford to take sick days and make sub plans while on my deathbed.
9. When you introduce a new teacher to the concept of buying lesson plans on TpT…
It saves time and sanity. YOU’RE WELCOME.
10. When a student returns from the bathroom and interrupts class to announce something gross they saw…
I’m so glad you interrupted my class to tell your classmates about that nastiness. It’s not like we were doing anything productive or anything…
11. When your supervisor drops in for a random observation on a rainy day when you just had a fire drill…
Out of all of the days in the year! What did I ever do to deserve this level of pain?!
12. When admin tells you they’re adding a new student to your class halfway into the year…
We are already packed in like sardines and I already don’t have enough resources to teach with, but sure…the more, the merrier!
13. When students ask if the test is going to be hard…
Since I’m guessing you didn’t study, I’m gonna wager a bet that it’s not exactly going to be a piece of cake.
14. When a student asks you if you did anything important while they were absent for a week…
Absolutely not. We cried the whole time so we could gently console ourselves from your lack of presence.
15. When students who never turn in their assignments ask how they can bring their grade up…
I don’t understand how this is still a question that gets asked every year, but here we are.
16. When someone asks you how you’re doing at the end of the school day after a full moon…
It’s amazing that I’m still standing upright. I think I’ll go home, turn off all the lights, and just lie on my couch until I recover from sensory overload.
17. When a parent blames you for their child’s bad grade after they were absent 19 days this semester…
Is this real life? Are you being 100% serious right now or am I getting punked?
18. When admin keeps scheduling staff meetings during your planning period…
My planning period is why I still have a morsel of sanity left. Take that away and I’m left with nothing.
19. When you spend the weekend trying to catch up on everything and Monday morning hits you like…
Weren’t we just here? How’d we get back to Monday? When’s the next three-day weekend?
20. When you try to actually teach after a very rambunctious school assembly…
There really is no coming back from a pep rally or from any spirit week functions.
21. When admin reminds teachers that the school is evaluated by their students’ test performance…
I’ve got enough to worry about! Don’t put that on my list of things to hyperventilate about, too.
22. When you give a very simple assignment with super clear directions but every student has a bazillion questions about it…
Has everyone lost their minds? Is Mercury in retrograde? What the flying duck is happening?
23. When you let your students choose their own partners for group work and the classroom implodes…
I should have seen that coming. How did I not see that coming?
24. When a group of teenage boys comes in after spraying copious amounts of Axe after PE class…
How many times must I tell you? AXE IS ALWAYS ENEMY NUMBER ONE.
25. When you are mere days away from a break and questionable behavior is at an all-time high…
How are you still confused about what is acceptable behavior? We’ve been through this so many times!
26. When a student makes a funny joke and you can’t hold back the laughter…
Dude…these kids are FUNNY. How am I supposed to be a professional when they drop such witty one-liners?
27. When one of your students says something incredibly disrespectful to you…
Somebody hold my hoops!
28. When parents try to blame you for their child’s bad grade even though you gave them multiple opportunities to re-do assignments…
You’re right! I’m the reason your son isn’t going to get into Harvard. It has nothing to do with him sleeping through my class and doing zero work that I give him.
29. When admin asks if you want to teach summer school…
HELL TO THE NAH.
30. When you round the corner and stumble on some pretty awkward PDA…
I just threw up a little in my mouth. Please refrain from flirting or any kind of physical contact while in my presence.
16. How teachers wish lawmakers would think when creating education policies…
We are out here in the trenches on a daily basis. We are your most reliable resource. How come nobody ever asks our opinion on the good stuff?
32. When twenty students all need your attention at the same time and they suddenly forgot that they have to raise their hands instead of just yelling at the top of their lungs…
Is this what insanity feels like? Because I’m gonna lose it if another student says my name.
33. When one of your non-teacher friends talks about their 5-star vacation in Maui…
It must be so nice not struggling to pay your bills each month.
34. When you pull into the school parking lot each morning, ready to take on the day…
Lord, give me the strength to get through another day of instilling knowledge in these out-of-control children. Amen!
ALSO READ:
- Classroom Management: As Told by The Mandalorian
- The Life of a Teacher: As Told By The Real Housewives
- The Life of a Teacher: As Told By Stranger Things
